Footballers And Their Cars

Kyle Walker Achee to Manchester United (When Daniel Called Jose)

Kyle Walker Achee to Manchester United (When Daniel Called Jose)

Confidential tape script of an alleged recent telephone chat between two major Premier League personalities (Chairman and Manager) has recently passed into the hands of Premiercaraccessories.com. We cannot vouch for its validity, obviously. 

  • JM: Hallo, this is Jose Mourinho. I understand you want to talk to me, Daniel.
  • DL: Morning Jose. You know me, I’m straight as a dye, so I’ll come to the point right away. You need a right back and I have the best right back in the country, available for you right now.
  • JM: What ees you talk about. I ‘ave two very good right backs already.
  • DL: But Jose, I have for you the best right back in the country and one of the most outstanding defenders of his generation. Yes, that’s right, Jose, for a limited period I am offering you, for a very special price, none other than Kyle Walker ‘ACHEE!ters’ (sneezing sound obliterates the final word).
  • JM: What ees that noise?
  • DL: Sorry, I’ve got a cold. Was just sneezing. Anyway, as I was saying, Kyle Walker ‘ACHEE!ters’, the best right back on the planet. 35 mill for you. Bargain.
  • JM: Thees Kyle Walker you say, you already sell him to Man City. You talk about Kyle Walker Peters and you make stupid sneezing noise to cover up last part of name.
  • DL: Jose, my reputation speaks for itself. Ask anyone in the game and they’ll tell you all about me. Straight as a dye, me. Alex will vouch for me, for example. We did loads of deals together.
  • JM: Meester Ferguson, when he talk about you he always call you ‘Blofeld’. 
  • DL: Oh. Well, how about a nice suit then. Top drawer.
  • JM: F**k off you preek. I learn all about your Mr Byrite suits from Meester Robson. He call your shop Mr Buyshite after you sell suits to England team for Euro 88, and they all come apart at seams….

 (PS Actually, we can vouch for the non validity of this alleged conversation, as we wrote it ourselves).

Daniel Levy Blofeld Daily Mirror


Jose Mourinho - Master Strategist/Petulant Child. 5 recent observations.

Jose Mourinho - Master Strategist/Petulant Child. 5 recent observations.

  1. Clearly Jose Mourinho shrewdly spent last season contemplating and building his longer term strategy. He knew that it would take some mediocre performances last season (individual and team) to see where the gaps were. The club were always going to allow him time to do this, so the UEFA and League Cup wins were nice bonuses,
  2. As a result of this pre planning, Mourinho knew exactly which players he wanted to buy in the transfer window and completed all his deals long before the closing day, unlike Chelsea for example, who were still scrabbling about up to the last minute. No wonder Mourinho has called for the transfer window to close before the start of the Premier League season, (https://www.worldfootball.net/teams/manchester-united/2018/6/)
  3. The Manchester United manager looks comfortable and confident at the moment, not only because of the results but because clearly the performances and effectiveness of his tactics are going exactly to plan,
  4. We haven’t actually seen Jose looking this happy for a while. The petulant tantrums that came to be the norm at both Chelsea and United from the latter part of 2015 through the end of last season have even given way even to a bit of fun https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoRFcN0-Yj4
  5. Still, toy chucking is still never far away for Jose, as his handshake refusal escapade with Mark Hughes showed https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pnyq3hlGA84

Jurgen Klopp's Pre Liverpool Defensive Record

Jurgen Klopp's Pre Liverpool Defensive Record

The spotlight is trained on Liverpool's current frailty at the back. Jurgen the German manager is confident he can fill the holes. 

Klopp's managerial career to date is limited to two clubs before joining Liverpool in October 2015. Let's rate his defensive record at both.

Mainz 05 (2001 - 2008)
His first managerial posting, at the club he had played for the whole of his career. He oversaw promotion to the Bundesliga for the first time in the club's history, but also relegation in 2007. During their three years in the Bundesliga they never finished more than mid table, suggesting that Klopp's zonal 4 man defense based harrying off the ball approach may not have been the right approach for top flight football. 

Klopp record at Mainz: 109 wins, 78 draws and 83 losses (mostly in the Bundesliga)
Defensive rating: Unsatisfactory (could do better)

Borussia Dortmund (2008 - 2015)
The club's transformation from mediocre has - been to domestic double winners in 2012 and Champions League finalists in 2013, plus all the other achievements during Klopp's reign there was the stuff of dreams. However, his final season in charge before the move to Liverpool tells another story. The high tempo pressing game meant that a quick turnover of the ball often found them short at the back, with a number of goals conceded in one on one or two on two situations. Most worrying for Liverpool fans is that, after playing this style of football for so many years, Jurgen Klopp seemed unwilling or unable to change it.

It seems that this tactical approach is the also the underlying cause of Liverpool's defensive problems. Jurgen's solution: fitness, aggression, attitude - pressing harder than the opponents ('fighting football", Klopp has called it) i.e. attack (and score) first.
Perhaps most concerning for Liverpool fans is that it seemed to take Bundesliga clubs eight years to work out how to play against Borussia Dortmund but Premier League teams less than two.

But, as long as Liverpool keep scoring goals at the other end (and winning) who cares?

Klopp record at Borussia Dortrmund: 179 wins, 69 draws, and 70 losses
Defensive rating: Very good (until final season)


5 things we learned about Chelsea recently

Conte and Abramovich in happier times
  1. Conte has limited authority when it comes to buy/sell decisions. Nothing new here, just further confirmation of what we already know.
  2. If he had full decision making authority, Diego Costa would have been out on his ear months ago. The Brazilian prima donna’s legal threats, refusal to return to the club and general belligerence are a blight that Conte will want to sever from the club without further ado. And yet he is still a Chelsea player, with the Atletico Madrid deal having fallen through at the last hurdle (AM, no doubt, questioned the prudence of buying a player who refuses to play football).

Read more

Premier League Piffle

Premier League Piffle

This is our blog, where we sound off, opine (sometimes seriously) and provide our analysis and insights on people in the world of football, with an emphasis on Chelsea, Liverpool and Manchester United players and managers. We’ll also update our latest product promotions and offers here.